Coping with the loss of a loved one around the holidays is a challenge for many families. First and foremost, be gentle with yourself and acknowledge that things will be different. If you try to keep everything as it was, you'll be disappointed. Doing things a bit differently can acknowledge the change while preserving continuity with the past. Different menus, changing decorations, attending a different service, or even celebrating in a different location may provide that slight but significant shift. However, be aware that your feelings will still be there. If you decide on a change, be careful not to isolate yourself.
- There is no right or wrong way to handle the season or the actual holiday. Some may wish to follow family traditions, while others may choose to change.
- Focus your celebrations on winter: go to a mountain lodge; go sledding or skiing, or just take a walk in the woods--time out to enjoy what nature has to offer in this season.
- Include the deceased in your conversations and celebrations. Hang a stocking for your loved one in which people can put notes with their thoughts or feelings. Look at photographs. Once others realize you are comfortable talking about your loved one, they can relate stories that will add to your pleasant memories.
- Keep in mind the feelings of your children or family members. Try to make the holiday season as joyous as possible for them.
- Plan to be with the people YOU enjoy.
- Do something for others: volunteer at a soup kitchen; visit the lonely and shut-ins; ask someone who is alone to share the day with your family; provide help for a needy family; volunteer at the airport to pour coffee for stranded travelers; or offer to volunteer in a hospital on the holiday.
- Don't be afraid to express your feelings. Allow people to comfort you. They need to feel they are helping in some way.
- Remember, anticipation of any holiday is so much worse than the actual holiday. Donate a gift or money in your loved one's name.
-
Try to get enough rest.